Do you ever wake up and just lay there and let your alarm go off half a dozen times before you actually get out of bed? I've found that I have to set 2 alarms. I'll set my first one about an hour ahead of what time i really want to wake up and let that go off for about an hour before i realize that i actually have to get up. My roommate did that today as well. I did not feel so alone.
After getting ready and hearing her alarm go off half a dozen more times then mine (and knowing she was suppose to leave by 9), i poked my head in there, apologizing all the while, and asked her if she really needed to get up and wondering if i was doing the right thing by poking my head in or not. She assured me that it was ok and i walked back to my room, almost embarrassed.
It was a lot colder than i thought it was going to be today. I walked down our ice packed stairs to my car and noticed a light layer of wonderful fluff on my car. Then I instantly thought, oh man...i can't reach the one side of my car to brush it off (because i have to park on the side of the street and the roads are never clear enough to get close enough but far enough where someone could get out of the car). I got into my car and put my bags in the passenger seat and got situated, only to get back out in the cold to brush off my car. Fortunatly for me, all i had to do was tap on the two side windows (from the inside) that i couldn't reach for the snow to fall right off. PERFECT. I thought. Now to give the windshield wipers a little push and only three windows to clear off now.
I get to the bus stop and park my car, and OF COURSE the bus is pulling away. "Good thing it comes every 6 minutes" i thought to myself. So i enjoyed one more song on the radio, turned off my car and walked the 100 feet to the bus stop. "Perfect" i said to myself, once again. I can see the bus coming from down the street, "Just in time for this one". Hoping, praying to myself that this one won't be crowded, i started to prepare to get on the bus. I have a sort of ritual. it's small and silly, but it helps a lot so i'm not clumsy once i sit down. I just have to take my shoulder bag off from across my chest and release one strap from my back pack so it's just a simple swing to the front of my body and an easy sit.
The bus driver greets us with a "Comeon, get on here, it's cold outside, you don't need to be standing out there anylonger than you need ta!" I really enjoy most of the bus drivers, they're usually very friendly and all smiley. They even wish you a good day as you walk off the bus.
Today, the driver seemed exceptionally chipper. I was almost inclined to ask him why he was so happy and where i can find me some....but then my mind was overtaken by the one question that was almost impossible to answer. You just had to make a choice and do it. This morning was not a morning for adventures. As i was walking to the back of the bus, i was scanning to see if i knew anyone and then there it was, there was my chance to actually, maybe, almost have a conversation with him, but i chickened out and sat two rows behind him in an empty pair of chairs. He was cute and in the very class i was on my way to. On our first day of class, he walked in and i thought he looked so familiar...i racked my brain all class to figure out if i really did know him or i just thought he was attractive. I finally figured it out about 2 days later after our next class. He looked like the lead from Avenue Q that i had saw a few short weeks before. Man, I'm really wishing this kid could sing right now. Then i wouldn't care how old he was. Ha, i think i'm just drawn to the fact that he looked like the lead from AQ...Anyways, i blew my chance.
I pulled out my book for nature writing and began to read. Nice, we get to read about this guy who thinks ants are being invasive to bees and kills them to help the bees. Even though i'm pretty sure the bees could have handled themselves. I could appreciate those articles before class (but we'll talk about that later). A few stops later, my friend gets on the bus and i motion her over to my empty seat right next to me. We start chatting for a while and realize we are extremly early for class. So we chatted some more. Class finally started.
We got our tests back and i thought i would have done pretty well, but alas, i did not. I stayed after to talk to the prof about the exam cuz he told me to. (longer story...don't worry about it...not my point i'm about to make). I was waiting in line to talk to him about it and there he was again. He looked back towards me and smiled a little bit and i immediately looked away. Well i gave him a little smile first. I don't know what inclined me to do so, but it just happend. It's like i really didn't have any control over what my body had just done. WOW, MOM, COW, i'm a nerd. Talked to the professor and everything should pan out, granted i get a's on the rest of my exams...HAHAHAHAHA ok. sure.
Ok, running late for my next class...shit, it's my psych exam. I don't even want to get started on this class. I thought i would like psych because that's my dad's life and i knew a little bit about it. But what this prof is asking from us is a little unreasonable. He's just a huge bag of douche and that's all i want to say about it. OH and i wanna kick him in the face all the time.
That exam did not go very well.
I meet my friend Lisa for lunch and we chatted for a little bit. Mostly small talk and then we got some reading done for our next class. Nature Writing. I was actually looking forward to this class today. Not only have i read it all, i had some pretty good points to make and a few questions to ask. But of course, what does the prof want to talk about? Anthropomorphism. That's all he ever wants to talk about. "Where in the text does the author anthropomorphatize the animals?" What about all the other aspects of the article, buddy? OH and how about not answering your own damn questions all the time?! Seriously, what's up with that? I was able to put in one little statement before getting bached and forgotten. He came back to it for a quick refrence, but then was gone again. Back onto what HE want's to talk about. I thought this was suppose to be an open discussion...but it just seems like he likes to hear his own voice.
Last class of the day! YES! I like my env. sci prof. He's goffy and can always make me chuckle just a little bit. The class wasn't as interesting as i had hoped for, but i answered a question and sounded really smart! ha. Then it was time to look at our scantrons from the exam to see how we did on answering the quesitons....wellllllll that didn't go to well either.
Let's just say that I'm not in the best of moods right now.
I dragged myself to the bus stop and couldn't fit on the first one, so i waited for the second one. It was a lot less crowded on the next one. I'm glad i waited. I called my mom back and then called Cassie. Drats, no luck. Well the both ended up calling me back and it was glorious! Cassie and I got to talk for about an hour and a half. BEAUTIFUL! I vented, she vented. It was what i needed. Unfortunately it wasn't enough to pull me out of my bad mood.
I curled up on the couch and watched senseless television until Scrubs came on. I wish it could have made me laugh. However, i just think i was so closed off to the idea of a smile on my face that nothing would have made me laugh/smile/smirk.
I now sit here in my bed, procrastinating once more. i have an article i want to read, but i'm gettin really impatient with my mind. It keeps wandering off to other things. i can't focus on the reading. I keep thinking. It would be ok if i were thinking of the article, but i'm not. I just want these things to stop running through my head, please?! BAH! I just really wish...ah, wishes are no good anymore. They give us unrealistic hope. it's like the movies gave us unrealistic happy endings...that shit just doesn't happen.
-that's all she wrote-
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