We have these moments in our lives where everything just stops and we need to evaluate what we are doing and why we are the way we are. These come at very random times, but they always help us grow. I wish that everything could go back to the way it was, but then again, i guess that's what makes that time so special and dear to our hearts.
sorry, just had to add that one in there.....
that's all she wrote
Friday, January 30, 2009
Betrayal and Hockey
I went to one of my cousin's hockey games today. It was amazing! They were actually in Holland (they live on the other side of the state)! It was amazing. Yes, my mom and brother comes up every once in a great while, but it was so awesome that his tourney ended up being in Holland. He won his game too! He's in a 7-8 year old league. It's really kinda funny. The kids will be standing there, waiting for the puck to be in play and they will just fall over. It's soooooo cute! Vinnie is number 4. OH SO ADORABLE! It was a GREAT game today. One of the kids on Vinnie's team scored the winning goal with 45 seconds left in the game...haha, it's amazing that they travel that young now.
My aunt and uncle invited me to the team dinner! We went to Red Robin and I got to spend a lot more time with them. They are staying until Sunday, well my Uncle and Vinnie are, the rest have to get back for soccer games in the morning on Sunday. So, i'll get to spend another day with them tomorrow! I wonder what we will do....hmmmmm haha. I just love it. :)
I made a sweet mix of songs today as well. I'm in love with this play list.
1. Save Our City - Ludo
2. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
3. You Make My Dreams - Melee
4. Somebody to Love - Queen
5. When the Lights Go out - Journey
6. Yesterday - Boyz II Men
7. Stand - Rascall Flatts
8. Long Time Coming - Oliver James
9. Drunken Lament - Ludo
10. We Didn't Start The Fire - Billy Joel
11. Hello Nurse - Treaty of Paris
12. Girls on Trampolines - Ludo
13. Better That We Break - Marron 5
14. Perfect Mess - Melee
15. Hush Hush - Spill Canvas
IDK, it's really nice and soothing for me....then i made a mix of my fav OAR songs and that has been on repeat when this one isn't on.
I've been really tired lately and i don't know what's going on. Maybe i'm just becoming an old woman. It's kind of rediculous. I don't know. The art kids are going out to the Flamigo Bar to Karaoke (i just learned out to spell that word correctly today....). Maybe I'll do that for a little bit. I've really just wanted to be alone for the most part, which is really weird for me. I normally want to be surrounded by people, that way i don't have to deal with my own crap, but even alone, i find myself making excuses not to deal with my own emotional frusterations. So, i guess it doesn't matter anymore...ha.
Ok, now i'm going to be cliche for a moment. Give me a moment to vent...
You know what one of my biggest pet peeves have become lately? When people all of a sudden just drop you as a friend. They don't want to deal with any emotional bagage that comes with the responsibility of dealing with things that have happend between the two of you. I'm over it. I'm over the immaturity of it all. To think that we are 22 or 23 years old and we can't have a rational, compromising conversation about it all. It's the other person that is being the coward. Sure they have their own thoughts, "well i don't want to hurt your feelings...." or "you won't understand" OR they think they know what you're thinking and they draw their own conclusions instead of talking to you directly and figuring out what is REALLY going on in your head.
I can't stand cowards.
Own up to the things you've done and make things right. If you don't, it will catch up to you one day and you'll realize the friend that you really lost. Also, it's really frusterating thinking that you did something wrong and you want to make things right, but you can't. You've tried everything short of stalking and being really over bearing. Finally, when you're ready to make that last attempt, there is still no response. Well, looks like you've done all you could do. Your now left with this taunting feeling of closure, or lack there of. What do you do now? How do you handle this? You want to just drop it, forget about it, leave it in the dust where it deserves to be, but you can't. The fact that you've lost a good friend infects itself into your brain and starts to consume you. Seriously. You start getting angry. Angry at yourself for trusting them and angry at yourself for ever really calling them a friend. A real friend would have the respect to tell you the truth instead of leaving it so openended. A real friend wouldn't have lied and told you everything was ok. A real friend would be able to talk it through. If in the end after TALKING like a responsible adult, you find that you're just not fit to be friends, then you can deal with that. You would have had closure. It will still suck and hurt, but you would have closure.
You feel taken advantage of and blindsided. The fact that someone could play with your emotions like that, even just on a friend level, is sickening. Intentional or not, they did take advantage of you and disrespect you and they are too chicken to own up to it. It just sucks and it hurts. Not knowing what you could have done different or the same or if it's really your fault or they are just too cowardly to show their face because they know of your dissappointment in them. All you can do is wait. If it's meant to work itself out, it will and if not, in time you'll let go. It just sucks. They'll never really know how much they've hurt you. I wish people could just be honest. However, that is way too much to ask of anyone these days.
I feel like i've lost almost all faith in people.
It's like John Bridger said "I trust everyone, i just don't trust the devil inside of them."
It's getting harder and harder to do with everyone that wrongs you. It's getting tougher to stand back up and take another punch. I will keep doing it. Trust me, I will never be knocked down and stay down. I'll get back up. It's just with each blow, it's taking longer to stand back up.
that's all she wrote
My aunt and uncle invited me to the team dinner! We went to Red Robin and I got to spend a lot more time with them. They are staying until Sunday, well my Uncle and Vinnie are, the rest have to get back for soccer games in the morning on Sunday. So, i'll get to spend another day with them tomorrow! I wonder what we will do....hmmmmm haha. I just love it. :)
I made a sweet mix of songs today as well. I'm in love with this play list.
1. Save Our City - Ludo
2. I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
3. You Make My Dreams - Melee
4. Somebody to Love - Queen
5. When the Lights Go out - Journey
6. Yesterday - Boyz II Men
7. Stand - Rascall Flatts
8. Long Time Coming - Oliver James
9. Drunken Lament - Ludo
10. We Didn't Start The Fire - Billy Joel
11. Hello Nurse - Treaty of Paris
12. Girls on Trampolines - Ludo
13. Better That We Break - Marron 5
14. Perfect Mess - Melee
15. Hush Hush - Spill Canvas
IDK, it's really nice and soothing for me....then i made a mix of my fav OAR songs and that has been on repeat when this one isn't on.
I've been really tired lately and i don't know what's going on. Maybe i'm just becoming an old woman. It's kind of rediculous. I don't know. The art kids are going out to the Flamigo Bar to Karaoke (i just learned out to spell that word correctly today....). Maybe I'll do that for a little bit. I've really just wanted to be alone for the most part, which is really weird for me. I normally want to be surrounded by people, that way i don't have to deal with my own crap, but even alone, i find myself making excuses not to deal with my own emotional frusterations. So, i guess it doesn't matter anymore...ha.
Ok, now i'm going to be cliche for a moment. Give me a moment to vent...
You know what one of my biggest pet peeves have become lately? When people all of a sudden just drop you as a friend. They don't want to deal with any emotional bagage that comes with the responsibility of dealing with things that have happend between the two of you. I'm over it. I'm over the immaturity of it all. To think that we are 22 or 23 years old and we can't have a rational, compromising conversation about it all. It's the other person that is being the coward. Sure they have their own thoughts, "well i don't want to hurt your feelings...." or "you won't understand" OR they think they know what you're thinking and they draw their own conclusions instead of talking to you directly and figuring out what is REALLY going on in your head.
I can't stand cowards.
Own up to the things you've done and make things right. If you don't, it will catch up to you one day and you'll realize the friend that you really lost. Also, it's really frusterating thinking that you did something wrong and you want to make things right, but you can't. You've tried everything short of stalking and being really over bearing. Finally, when you're ready to make that last attempt, there is still no response. Well, looks like you've done all you could do. Your now left with this taunting feeling of closure, or lack there of. What do you do now? How do you handle this? You want to just drop it, forget about it, leave it in the dust where it deserves to be, but you can't. The fact that you've lost a good friend infects itself into your brain and starts to consume you. Seriously. You start getting angry. Angry at yourself for trusting them and angry at yourself for ever really calling them a friend. A real friend would have the respect to tell you the truth instead of leaving it so openended. A real friend wouldn't have lied and told you everything was ok. A real friend would be able to talk it through. If in the end after TALKING like a responsible adult, you find that you're just not fit to be friends, then you can deal with that. You would have had closure. It will still suck and hurt, but you would have closure.
You feel taken advantage of and blindsided. The fact that someone could play with your emotions like that, even just on a friend level, is sickening. Intentional or not, they did take advantage of you and disrespect you and they are too chicken to own up to it. It just sucks and it hurts. Not knowing what you could have done different or the same or if it's really your fault or they are just too cowardly to show their face because they know of your dissappointment in them. All you can do is wait. If it's meant to work itself out, it will and if not, in time you'll let go. It just sucks. They'll never really know how much they've hurt you. I wish people could just be honest. However, that is way too much to ask of anyone these days.
I feel like i've lost almost all faith in people.
It's like John Bridger said "I trust everyone, i just don't trust the devil inside of them."
It's getting harder and harder to do with everyone that wrongs you. It's getting tougher to stand back up and take another punch. I will keep doing it. Trust me, I will never be knocked down and stay down. I'll get back up. It's just with each blow, it's taking longer to stand back up.
that's all she wrote
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
being a good student is hard work.....
I am now convinced that not having a social life is the way to go...at least for now.
Last semester I really cracked down on my studies and pulled off my highest gpa of my college career! It was a such a phenominal feeling that I want it to happen again. However, this semester is a lot more work than i thought it would be. So, what am i doing right now? Procrastinating. I have gotten a lot better as time has passed, but i would still say that i like to take a longer break then nessicary every now and then. I have an exam in environmental science tomorrow and a 500 word essay for nature writing. It seems like it would be possible to get done, but i am slowly finding the answers for the exam (and there are 50 study guide questions) and thinking about what i would like to write my essay on. It is suppose to be about a time that you felt like a preditor or a prey...i'm not sure if it's suppose to be out in nature or just anywhere in your life. I have a few ideas of being the prey, but i'm not quite sure i want to get that personal. Maybe i'll make this one a fun, playful preditoresque essay. I could write about the time that a few friends and i started a lightening bug club....that might be fun to reminisque about....eh well. Maybe i'll even post it up here later on....
I feel as though i should get back to my work...afterwards, i think i'll just ride the bus home and write my essay in the comfy, coziness of my CLEAN room! :)
-that's all she wrote-
Last semester I really cracked down on my studies and pulled off my highest gpa of my college career! It was a such a phenominal feeling that I want it to happen again. However, this semester is a lot more work than i thought it would be. So, what am i doing right now? Procrastinating. I have gotten a lot better as time has passed, but i would still say that i like to take a longer break then nessicary every now and then. I have an exam in environmental science tomorrow and a 500 word essay for nature writing. It seems like it would be possible to get done, but i am slowly finding the answers for the exam (and there are 50 study guide questions) and thinking about what i would like to write my essay on. It is suppose to be about a time that you felt like a preditor or a prey...i'm not sure if it's suppose to be out in nature or just anywhere in your life. I have a few ideas of being the prey, but i'm not quite sure i want to get that personal. Maybe i'll make this one a fun, playful preditoresque essay. I could write about the time that a few friends and i started a lightening bug club....that might be fun to reminisque about....eh well. Maybe i'll even post it up here later on....
I feel as though i should get back to my work...afterwards, i think i'll just ride the bus home and write my essay in the comfy, coziness of my CLEAN room! :)
-that's all she wrote-
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